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A few weeks ago, the guy across the street joined the privileged ranks of us retired folks. We weren't going to be home on the day of his milestone, so we put our "Retirement Greeting" card in his mailbox, thinking he'd get it when he retrieved his mail the next day. A few days later we returned from our little "mini-vacation" to find the greeting card in our mailbox, with a notation: "RETURNED FOR INSUFFICIENT POSTAGE". I'm thinking that's ridiculous, so I called the post office. . .that's an 800 number call now, so who knows where the call goes. . .Moose Jaw, Minnesota, maybe. I told the person about getting the card back in MY mailbox, and the notation on it.
"Yes sir. Well, there wasn't enough postage."
"You don't understand," I sez; "no postage was necessary, I put the card in my neighbor's box so my neighbor could get it the next day; no postal employee was necessary in this instance."
"You can't do that." was the reply. I was quoted the rule number and letter sub paragraph of Postal regulations pertaining to mail boxes etc.
"So, then" I continued, "The mailboxes in front of my house are regulated by YOUR rules, as though the box was actually yours, right?"
"That's about right, sir." he said with finality.
"Thank you." I said, and hung up.
A couple weeks later, our mail box had been completely destroyed by some destruction deprived vandal. I phoned the Postal Services to report the incident.
"Hello," I sez, "I'd like to report a downed and destroyed mail box."
"Yes sir" was the reply. "Is the mailbox able to accept mail at all?"
"No. That's why I'm calling you. I don't think our carrier will leave our mail, because the box is totally flattened and on the ground."
"You're right sir, the carrier won't leave your mail if no box is available. You had better replace the box immediately so we may be able to deliver your mail."
"Wait a minute!" I interrupted. "I should replace YOUR mailbox?"
"Pardon me?" sez the P.O. person. "Providing and/or replacing an authorized mail box is your responsibility; we only deliver the mail."
"Lemme get this straight," sez I. "You regulate what goes into the mailbox, you are the only ones allowed to put mail in it. However, I have to buy a new one, paint it, make it look nice, install it at a certain height for YOUR convenience, not my lower window convenience; plus the appropriate numbers are also my responsibility. Then it become YOUR mailbox again."
"That's about right, sir." Seems I've heard that before, so I hung up.
I went downtown to buy a new mailbox. I found a parking space fairly near my favorite hardware store, and noticed that the city has replaced all the parking meters with those new fangled ones....the ones that you don't have to crank the handle to activate the timer. Also, I noticed the little blinking light facing the street side. I was studying this new machine when a Parking Enforcement Officer came along. That's the politically correct name for "Meter Maid" these days...since there is no word for opposite gender of "Maid" I guess.....So, "Mr. Meter guy" asks if he could be of assistance. I said he certainly could, and ventured, "I understand the blinking light in front here; but what's this little thingy beside it that looks like a camera lense?"
"That's a motion detector, sir." he sez.
"Why a motion detector. I parked my car, it's in "park" gear with the parking brake on. It ain't going anywhere."
"The purpose of the motion detector is that when you pull away from the parking space, the timer resets itself to zero."
This was news to me. "Lemme see. If I put enough coin in here for, uhm, say an hour and a half, but I come out of the store and leave with only 20 minutes used up, the next person doesn't get to use my left over time."
"That's right, sir."
"No it ain't right." sez I. "The city is able to charge for the same time twice, maybe even four times for the same allotted time!"
"I s'pose so" says big guy.
"How about if I buy a glass of beer? After the bartender delivers it, and I take a sip then decide I'm not thirsty anymore, but give it to the guy sitting on the next stool over."
"That's your prerogative" says the Enforcer.
"But I can't do the same with parking time."
"That's right, sir."
"Lemme ask you sumpin'. When your not working for the City, do you ‘moonlight'...like answering the phone for the Post Office?"
"I think you better move along, now sir."